5 Resilient Children.

Before I even had kids, I knew that I was going to have 5 of them. Probably a great deal breaker for any serious suitors, I'm sure. 'Hey so um, you should know before this goes further, I'm pretty sure I plan on having 5 kids and this water ice is really great and all, but you don't seem like you could handle all that, so....'  I actually really never had a conversation like that, but perhaps might have if necessary. Fortunately, the man I married was completely blinded by my intelligence, wit, and beauty that 5 kids was a simple request. No, that really didn't happen either, but he didn't object to having a large family, and so here we are. At one point we were really struggling with infertility and loss, and even through that, I still just knew I was going to be a mom of 5, just the path to getting there wasn't that clear. And now that we arrived about 2.5 years ago to that number, I'm settled. He would probably have more, but then he would need to find another Baby Mama, because that's not going to happen with this one. I'm good, therefore so is he, which really sums up a marriage doesn't it?

Similar to knowing that I was going to be a mom of  5, what I also knew that I was not going to be a homeschooling mom of 5. I certainly thought about it at one nostalgic point and then was like, 'yeah, naw, I'm good, there is people with degrees that are paid to do this.' I also did think about it for a hot minute a second time as an option for my resident introvert. I suppose that it was more then a minute, I did wrestle with it for a few years on and off. Academically, he would soar if home schooled, it would all be above my head and require a lot of additional resources, but he would more then likely rise up to more challenges on his course load. However, socially, I would be doing him a huge disservice. And before you get all upset, I do realize that homeschooling children are very well socialized, however, I felt like he needs even more then just that. He needed to be pushed socially outside of a controlled environment to learn to basically be outside of his comfort zone. Sometimes, it's really difficult for a Mom's heart, but I know in order for him to succeed he needs to be ok in an environment that isn't always his preferred place to be. And he isn't bullied, he has a slew of friends, people love to be around him, he just would prefer to be home, and will probably always be like that. At the end of the day, he will always just want to go home. And it is also really endearing. But he also will need to leave the home daily throughout his entire life, and he will need to go places that aren't his preferred place to be, and so, he goes to school. I couldn't even come close to providing what he will gain and experience by leaving home daily and going to school, which once again proves, I need not be a homeschooling mom. I am here, waiting for him at home, to provide that safety net he needs at the end of the day.

And yet, after all that thought and debate, here we are; 3 months into 'homeschooling' my children. But I'm really not. For the most part my kids are having school online, at home. They get up in the morning, sit in their designated areas, and they complete their work. And I shouldn't ever be complaining, the teachers have it all set up for them, they make the lesson plans, I'm like their tour guide throughout the day. If I email a teacher, they are typically getting back to me fairly quickly. They are the real heroes when it comes to my kids academic successes right now. But how it differs from home schooling is that I am not picking their curriculum. I am not well versed in everything that they are studying. Reading and writing? All over it. But typically, when a question comes at me I have to either go through the recesses of my brain to either attempt to help them, I have to rely on google, or I have to email their teachers and go back and forth until it makes sense. In any occasion, it usually takes some time, time on top of my normal responsibilities in a huge family. So our day, with me as their questionably trusty tour guide, has me leading them through a forest that I admittedly might not know the way through. I am not a homeschooling, I am helping them navigate a path already designed. Some days we reach the promised land, others we are sitting in a swamp with no fresh water.

I readily admit there are times when I want to say, 'just skip it...lets not do this one...lets not have school at all today.' My kids are better then me and this isn't an option for them. Where do they get this from...I suppose it is our parenting...but it's only because of the pre pandemic parenting. Pandemic Parenting is a train wreck.  I cannot pinpoint what makes them march on in the midst of their leader being lost, I have zero advice for you if your kid doesn't want to comply with this online curriculum thing. I just say, 'mine just do it.'  It sounds really pretentious, but the truth is...I provide them with outs, I let them know it's ok, this is a weird time, we aren't going to always have the right answer or know how to do something, and sometimes I will just say, 'I will email the teacher, we aren't doing this because we don't know how.'  WE ARE LOST!!! MAYDAY !!! WHERE ARE THE FIRE STICKS ?!?!? WE NEED TO ABORT THIS MISSION!!!

 And here they are making me look like the worst mom ever...'can you just email the teacher...can you take a minute and see if you can remember how to do it...can you look it up online how to do it while I work on something else....Mom, here's some water, a granola bar, and you're phone, we can do this. Here's me still... 'Guys...please....can we take a break...can we have a skip day...I don't know algebra, please just ask your younger brother...coding...please just get a C in the class and don't do it, I don't care, I'm, not Steve Jobs... I don't want to work through spanish dialouge can you go to google translate, we can't even travel, we don't need to speak Spanish!!!' No. The answer is always no. They are so annoying.

So as you can see, it is all me, I lack the self discipline to do homeschooling.

There is a glimmer of distraction and rebellion among the pack. There is one that makes me feel a little better with my lack of enthusiasm and gusto; the 10 year old. He occasionally needs some prompting to keep chugging along. He likes to get side tracked and I will find him outside on the trampoline when he was supposed to take the workbook back to his desk and complete the assignment. The trampoline being in the back corner of our property, the desk being on our third floor, this was clearly more then side tracked, but I get it. As you have read, I clearly get it. However, even with all this distraction and lack luster motivation on some days, at the end of every day, if all the assignments aren't submitted with a comment back from his teacher about how awesome he is, its a complete meltdown and there's some panic and a last minute push to persevere. 

Oh!  However, there was this one time we did blatantly skip a gym assignment. He was to dance, and record himself dancing. I read the assignment and panicked immediately fearing the end of the day meltdown over not wanting to dance. I mean you could tell him to walk across hot coals and record himself doing that and he would be looking for the lighter to start the fire for the coal at 7 am. Record himself dancing? Yeah, that was going to be the straw that broke him. He does dance, if we don't make eye contact with him while he is doing it, and they are mostly fortenite related moves, but he is not going to bust a move for his gym teacher, and have it recorded and out there, somewhere. He was then subsequently anxious the entire day. I gave him permission to just skip this assignment, and then I scurried away to avoid the storm of defeat that I thought would hit. I heard nothing. So I then emailed the teacher and said, 'there is no way I am getting Jake to dance, we aren't dancing.'  And then it hit me. I, in turn,  felt the anxiety of the skipped assignment. Because that is how I roll. Parent/Teacher conferences I feel are a direct reflection of my skills as a Mom. I can talk a big talk, tell them to skip the assignments, and then I'm all, 'they aren't getting into college, and they will not hold jobs, and it will be all my fault.'  He didn't dance and I didn't push him to get over his insecurities about it, I am the worst, how will he even survive in Middle School!?!? But then nothing happened, as is typical with nonsensical anxiety. He didn't have to dance. But in the big picture, thank God they just do the work, and do it really well, because their mother, Lord help her.


This is all not to say that my children are perfect little cherubs in the midst of this pandemic. I honestly think they do their school work because of the lack of anything else to do. I'm also not saying they sit down and whistle while they work. It's challenging. I give them credit, they are pretty resilient. What I am saying is that they are better then me. And for the most part, I suppose that is what your goal is as a parent, for them to be better then you. 

I am realizing it takes a pandemic to notice a lot of things...like the people I live with are complete slobs. What I am also seeing is a silver lining, my kids are resilient, and they can actually function academically with much better success then their parents ever have or would have if in the same circumstances. Do I want to go outside right now and have myself recorded while running through an obstacle course my kid had to set up for gym class...no...but they are such show boats that I will look like a complete moron if I don't.

So 5 kids...yup.

Homeschooling them...nope.

The up and coming kindergartner is going to have to move in with a mom that is better then me at this home school gig if we are still home next year...or she is surely never graduating high school...any takers?

Pandemic Post III

Being in quarantine in the US, in a small town with essentials merely a walk away, in a home with a yard, is privilege, I get it. But, I can only write from what I know, and this is it...I am quarantined with 5 kids and a working from home husband.

It has only been 2 months, only, I know, that can be a long time for some. However, when you are a family that is so busy that you blink and it's 3 years later, 2 months is nothing. 2 months is like 24 hours to us. Typically. Right now though, St. Patrick's Day feels like it was a decade ago. Easter? 5 years has passed since Easter, you cannot convince me otherwise. The days go fast though, another weird phenomenon about time in the midst of this. But in all honesty, does clocks, time in general really matter right now? My 14 year old took a shower at 1 am last week, I know this because I was switching loads of laundry and watching the new season of Workin Moms like it was 8 pm on a Tuesday. We had a conversation like we normally do, like it wasn't the early morning of the next day. People keeping routines in this, you are aliens to me. Which by the way, there are UFO's, and who cares, in fact, I'm just a little envious of them, I bet they are business as usual up there in Alien Land.


It has been raining. People are complaining it has been raining so much, it is spring in the northeast, this is what little calendar rhymes are made of. And I feel like the rain was a little bit of a blessing in this. Did we really want to spend those initial weeks that we were panic stricken, spraying lysol on even the plants, with the sun shining and it 70 degrees outside? We would all be dead right now, I don't know how Hawaii did it. All I know is that here, in Bucks County Pennsylvania, when it is nice out, you immediately need to gather. 60 degrees and sunny and we are in shorts and flip flops, having a barbecue pretending we aren't  freezing our asses off, and just need to put on a sweatshirt, because its over 55 degrees and not raining. I feel like the rain was our barrier, because we act like children when the weather gets nicer, and the rain was all...'you will not go off this porch, and play with your friends.' We got super excited in the last two weeks with some sun and just right cool breezes, and then to crush that, a snow squall, at 3 pm on a Saturday, in May...basically just a reminder,'get your asses back across the street and on your couch, you idiot.' Facebook went wild with people letting us know it had snowed, we know, we had planned a birthday parade and everyone had to wear their winter coats and mittens.

 I don't know what we would do without Facebook. My favorite right now is when people say they are taking a break from it, because of all the negativity or its a distraction. They say their farewells like they are embarking on some great journey across the Atlantic, and within 2 hours they are commenting on the photo someone posted of their banana bread. I guess it's really not my favorite, but maybe it has now transformed into a pet peeve, and you can say, that's really stupid you get hostile about people on Facebook...listen, I no longer have children on the opposite team of one of my son's to taunt on a Saturday afternoon, this is it, good for you Nancy that you found another hobby, but I cannot get past stupid people right now on Facebook. And a distraction!?!?! From what? Why do you have no time right now? But it's like watching a giant zit being popped on youtube when people make these pronouncements;  you don't want to watch it, but you do, but no, but you do...this is me with Facebook. Here's the sanity marker though, even though I want to reply...'I call BS.,' when someone says they are taking a break and needs all the goodbyes and how someone they haven't spoken to from high school will miss them, I don't say anything. I just like to smirk when they like a photo 15 minutes later. That's right, I said it, it's my new hobby. Maybe pathetic, but really what would you like me to do right now?

Speaking of Facebook and pet peeves, another I have is of people posting passive aggressive posts that people post that are meant to be a dig...but no, they need to look innocent...its just a screen shot of a quote they liked, there was no underlying intention...OK Sheila. Girl you don't need to share backhanded posts from others on Facebook, Karma runs its course. Just know when I am watching my 13 year old taking his typing test to be, 'sure he doesn't look down,' I'm laughing, and feel free to laugh at me too, I need it. You maybe think it is me that needs the break, but this is quarantine. And one last thing on Facebook, because now I'm on a roll...the posts from those that think they are going to change the opinions of others by their post...you mean to tell me more people died from the flu in the United States in 2018 then from the Corona Virus? An entire year of people dying versus 2 months...tell me your ways, math wizard. When people post things like this, that are so absurd, do you they know they look absurd? Can someone anonymously answer this for me? Or do they really think that this one post on a Thursday afternoon is going to bring, let's say, me, a new perspective...like, 'hmmmm...he is so spot on, I'm totally going to support Trump now.' I would say, when hell freezes over, but with the way things are going, I wouldn't be surprised, so best wishes to everyone who has ever used that phrase.

Comparatively speaking, my life really hasn't changed that much. I make myself sound like a hermit, but I am a stay at home mom. There are days on end, I don't go anywhere without having to quarantine. Sure, I am running kids to and from practices and school, but I'm not actually missing very much. I don't miss taking kids to the store with me, this I know is true. This will go on forevermore. No more kids coming with me. I want to say its because I will always be cautious in regards to the virus, and bringing them is just upping our chances of exposure because they touch everything and occasionally roll around on the floor of any given aisle, but really, its the best part of this whole thing, no one can come with me. I am the essential shopped taking one for the team...that and alone...and of course because I only trust myself to follow proper precautions.

Am I an introvert? To some extent, for sure. I like to say I'm and introverted extrovert. So this isn't that uncomfortable to me. I miss my people. I miss my kids people because they need that socialization. But there always was an end time to me, a time to go decompress. I don't really ever outright admit that, but I am not like let's say my husband; parties do come to an end, do not have to happen daily. Sometimes I think I would be ok on a 10 day vacation by myself or just with  those I know I wouldn't want to push into traffic upon reaching our destination.  This change came about mostly when I had kids, but also I think its also because I just like to be comfortable. So, with those people I find in my comfy zone,  I am an extrovert. I also don't have a lot of time in normal circumstances, and I don't want to waste it being uncomfortable at a place I don't want to be, with people I wouldn't otherwise be with just for the sake of being out or with other people. Just because it's the birthday party of the wife of the friend my husband golfs with, doesn't mean I have or want to go. Those situations are the absolute worst to me. It makes me sound snotty, and in all honesty, I don't care, this is middle age people. I am here speaking my truth.

In many aspects, those who have kids are living the life of the stay at home mom who is an introverted extrovert, without  the added responsibility of being an uber driver. The biggest disadvantage to the stay at home mom right now is that we are on 24/7 even more so then we once were. I have zero excuses to not be on demand, unless of course I got the virus, and then of course everyone here would perish. I cannot yell, 'Leave me alone, I am on a zoom!!!!' I mean, I suppose I could, but no one would really care because I don't have privacy when I sit on the toilet. I was just discussing the responsibilities of the different branches of government with my pants around my ankles this morning. So let's all be grateful that I not employed by anyone right now for the survival of my family and those I might have a Zoom call with. The only privacy I get is when I am out risking my life and infection being the essential shopper.

In normal circumstances I regain my sanity while I send the majority out into the world for the greater part of the day.  I have 3.5 kids at school, one was in preschool, one in elementary, and two in middle school,  and  then I take responsibility one grown ass man that goes to work daily as well. My previous requirements were to prepare these people to be away from me and then to be available for these people if they and when they needed me while away from me. I was then left with 1.5 child or 2 on any given day, for the most part and one still naps. This equated some me time. Present circumstances result in that me time not existing any longer. There is someone in my personal space and needing me at all hours. Example, the 14 year old at 1 am.

 Food is the number one priority here for all of them, and I know damn well that they don't get to eat all day at school and work. People in my house are like grazing sheep in a field right now. I am a short order cook at a diner for 2 meals a day, the house's private chef at dinner, and then dietary service director, making snacks readily available, all day and night. God forbid there are not snacks. And I just this week admitted that I feel like everyone is sometimes just in the way. Things don't stay clean. Who cares? WHO CARES!?!?! I do. The Little Red Hen does. I literally walk the same clean up and sanitize circle daily in my house. I'm pretty sure you will soon see the worn path I follow reveal itself in the floor like a path in the woods. On a normal day, when 4.5 of them are out of the house, my home will stay pretty clean, add in after school activities, we are talking pretty orderly as well. It's just who I am. I need some order with a few closets in the house piled with crap, it's fine, I can shut the door. I have anxiety, so therefore my closets are stuffed with the things I don't want to deal with and then can now, not see. In a normal day I am hollering at my children to put away their things, and tossing lunch bags and cleats toward the direction of where they belong...now I am literally cleaning up after what looks like the aftermath of frat party, daily, if not 3 times daily. Teach your kids to clean you say. Have you allowed a kid to clean? This is not clean. Standards and expectations people. I have none when it comes to how my children will clean.Well then there's my standards and expectations. Full circle.

So this is where I am today in this pandemic. More tomorrow.