Being in quarantine in the US, in a small town with essentials merely a walk away, in a home with a yard, is privilege, I get it. But, I can only write from what I know, and this is it...I am quarantined with 5 kids and a working from home husband.
It has only been 2 months, only, I know, that can be a long time for some. However, when you are a family that is so busy that you blink and it's 3 years later, 2 months is nothing. 2 months is like 24 hours to us. Typically. Right now though, St. Patrick's Day feels like it was a decade ago. Easter? 5 years has passed since Easter, you cannot convince me otherwise. The days go fast though, another weird phenomenon about time in the midst of this. But in all honesty, does clocks, time in general really matter right now? My 14 year old took a shower at 1 am last week, I know this because I was switching loads of laundry and watching the new season of Workin Moms like it was 8 pm on a Tuesday. We had a conversation like we normally do, like it wasn't the early morning of the next day. People keeping routines in this, you are aliens to me. Which by the way, there are UFO's, and who cares, in fact, I'm just a little envious of them, I bet they are business as usual up there in Alien Land.
It has been raining. People are complaining it has been raining so much, it is spring in the northeast, this is what little calendar rhymes are made of. And I feel like the rain was a little bit of a blessing in this. Did we really want to spend those initial weeks that we were panic stricken, spraying lysol on even the plants, with the sun shining and it 70 degrees outside? We would all be dead right now, I don't know how Hawaii did it. All I know is that here, in Bucks County Pennsylvania, when it is nice out, you immediately need to gather. 60 degrees and sunny and we are in shorts and flip flops, having a barbecue pretending we aren't freezing our asses off, and just need to put on a sweatshirt, because its over 55 degrees and not raining. I feel like the rain was our barrier, because we act like children when the weather gets nicer, and the rain was all...'you will not go off this porch, and play with your friends.' We got super excited in the last two weeks with some sun and just right cool breezes, and then to crush that, a snow squall, at 3 pm on a Saturday, in May...basically just a reminder,'get your asses back across the street and on your couch, you idiot.' Facebook went wild with people letting us know it had snowed, we know, we had planned a birthday parade and everyone had to wear their winter coats and mittens.
I don't know what we would do without Facebook. My favorite right now is when people say they are taking a break from it, because of all the negativity or its a distraction. They say their farewells like they are embarking on some great journey across the Atlantic, and within 2 hours they are commenting on the photo someone posted of their banana bread. I guess it's really not my favorite, but maybe it has now transformed into a pet peeve, and you can say, that's really stupid you get hostile about people on Facebook...listen, I no longer have children on the opposite team of one of my son's to taunt on a Saturday afternoon, this is it, good for you Nancy that you found another hobby, but I cannot get past stupid people right now on Facebook. And a distraction!?!?! From what? Why do you have no time right now? But it's like watching a giant zit being popped on youtube when people make these pronouncements; you don't want to watch it, but you do, but no, but you do...this is me with Facebook. Here's the sanity marker though, even though I want to reply...'I call BS.,' when someone says they are taking a break and needs all the goodbyes and how someone they haven't spoken to from high school will miss them, I don't say anything. I just like to smirk when they like a photo 15 minutes later. That's right, I said it, it's my new hobby. Maybe pathetic, but really what would you like me to do right now?
Speaking of Facebook and pet peeves, another I have is of people posting passive aggressive posts that people post that are meant to be a dig...but no, they need to look innocent...its just a screen shot of a quote they liked, there was no underlying intention...OK Sheila. Girl you don't need to share backhanded posts from others on Facebook, Karma runs its course. Just know when I am watching my 13 year old taking his typing test to be, 'sure he doesn't look down,' I'm laughing, and feel free to laugh at me too, I need it. You maybe think it is me that needs the break, but this is quarantine. And one last thing on Facebook, because now I'm on a roll...the posts from those that think they are going to change the opinions of others by their post...you mean to tell me more people died from the flu in the United States in 2018 then from the Corona Virus? An entire year of people dying versus 2 months...tell me your ways, math wizard. When people post things like this, that are so absurd, do you they know they look absurd? Can someone anonymously answer this for me? Or do they really think that this one post on a Thursday afternoon is going to bring, let's say, me, a new perspective...like, 'hmmmm...he is so spot on, I'm totally going to support Trump now.' I would say, when hell freezes over, but with the way things are going, I wouldn't be surprised, so best wishes to everyone who has ever used that phrase.
Comparatively speaking, my life really hasn't changed that much. I make myself sound like a hermit, but I am a stay at home mom. There are days on end, I don't go anywhere without having to quarantine. Sure, I am running kids to and from practices and school, but I'm not actually missing very much. I don't miss taking kids to the store with me, this I know is true. This will go on forevermore. No more kids coming with me. I want to say its because I will always be cautious in regards to the virus, and bringing them is just upping our chances of exposure because they touch everything and occasionally roll around on the floor of any given aisle, but really, its the best part of this whole thing, no one can come with me. I am the essential shopped taking one for the team...that and alone...and of course because I only trust myself to follow proper precautions.
Am I an introvert? To some extent, for sure. I like to say I'm and introverted extrovert. So this isn't that uncomfortable to me. I miss my people. I miss my kids people because they need that socialization. But there always was an end time to me, a time to go decompress. I don't really ever outright admit that, but I am not like let's say my husband; parties do come to an end, do not have to happen daily. Sometimes I think I would be ok on a 10 day vacation by myself or just with those I know I wouldn't want to push into traffic upon reaching our destination. This change came about mostly when I had kids, but also I think its also because I just like to be comfortable. So, with those people I find in my comfy zone, I am an extrovert. I also don't have a lot of time in normal circumstances, and I don't want to waste it being uncomfortable at a place I don't want to be, with people I wouldn't otherwise be with just for the sake of being out or with other people. Just because it's the birthday party of the wife of the friend my husband golfs with, doesn't mean I have or want to go. Those situations are the absolute worst to me. It makes me sound snotty, and in all honesty, I don't care, this is middle age people. I am here speaking my truth.
In many aspects, those who have kids are living the life of the stay at home mom who is an introverted extrovert, without the added responsibility of being an uber driver. The biggest disadvantage to the stay at home mom right now is that we are on 24/7 even more so then we once were. I have zero excuses to not be on demand, unless of course I got the virus, and then of course everyone here would perish. I cannot yell, 'Leave me alone, I am on a zoom!!!!' I mean, I suppose I could, but no one would really care because I don't have privacy when I sit on the toilet. I was just discussing the responsibilities of the different branches of government with my pants around my ankles this morning. So let's all be grateful that I not employed by anyone right now for the survival of my family and those I might have a Zoom call with. The only privacy I get is when I am out risking my life and infection being the essential shopper.
In normal circumstances I regain my sanity while I send the majority out into the world for the greater part of the day. I have 3.5 kids at school, one was in preschool, one in elementary, and two in middle school, and then I take responsibility one grown ass man that goes to work daily as well. My previous requirements were to prepare these people to be away from me and then to be available for these people if they and when they needed me while away from me. I was then left with 1.5 child or 2 on any given day, for the most part and one still naps. This equated some me time. Present circumstances result in that me time not existing any longer. There is someone in my personal space and needing me at all hours. Example, the 14 year old at 1 am.
Food is the number one priority here for all of them, and I know damn well that they don't get to eat all day at school and work. People in my house are like grazing sheep in a field right now. I am a short order cook at a diner for 2 meals a day, the house's private chef at dinner, and then dietary service director, making snacks readily available, all day and night. God forbid there are not snacks. And I just this week admitted that I feel like everyone is sometimes just in the way. Things don't stay clean. Who cares? WHO CARES!?!?! I do. The Little Red Hen does. I literally walk the same clean up and sanitize circle daily in my house. I'm pretty sure you will soon see the worn path I follow reveal itself in the floor like a path in the woods. On a normal day, when 4.5 of them are out of the house, my home will stay pretty clean, add in after school activities, we are talking pretty orderly as well. It's just who I am. I need some order with a few closets in the house piled with crap, it's fine, I can shut the door. I have anxiety, so therefore my closets are stuffed with the things I don't want to deal with and then can now, not see. In a normal day I am hollering at my children to put away their things, and tossing lunch bags and cleats toward the direction of where they belong...now I am literally cleaning up after what looks like the aftermath of frat party, daily, if not 3 times daily. Teach your kids to clean you say. Have you allowed a kid to clean? This is not clean. Standards and expectations people. I have none when it comes to how my children will clean.Well then there's my standards and expectations. Full circle.
So this is where I am today in this pandemic. More tomorrow.
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